I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
