I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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