a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
no you cant smoke seaweed
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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