I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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