oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I see more hoeing in ur future
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