If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
