i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
