How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
