brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
