Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
