I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
