You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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