I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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