If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
