elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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