Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
