I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
