We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I have post one night stand depression
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
