im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
