I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
