I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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