He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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