i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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