Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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