yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
the condom got lost in my hair
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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