I love watching others lives come down to our level.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
