So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
