I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He felt like a one man threesome
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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