Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
