just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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