Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
