I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
