I'm going to rape someone's good day.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
