This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
