Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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