Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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