dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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