Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
