my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
do herpes really smell.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
