Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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