People in love make me want to vomit
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
