im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
