I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
