Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
