Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
