Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
