eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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