If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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