Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
They are going to name an STD after you.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
