i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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