There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
